To be honest

Often people who encounter me will take a minute to encourage me and tell me how strong, brave and what an example of faith they see in me. I have to be honest I often don’t feel brave, courageous or a good example of faith. I struggle, cry and long to see God’s movement in my life. I want to take a minute to take off a professional “hat” and just be honest with you. Things have been hard lately – really hard.

I am going to be honest, this weekend is Mother’s Day and often on holidays they are often more painful then joyful. For someone like me, someone who experienced a great deal of abuse, pain, and exploitation throughout my life and within my family; Mother’s Day and other holidays are not happy.  Holidays were often used as a further reason to abuse and exploit a young defenseless girl. However, it is culturally appropriate to celebrate these days so I tried to find an appropriate card to send, but it hard and frustrating at any given store. I could not find the card that said, “Thanks for not killing me”, but I did find something a generic card that I could write in a basic simple message.

notforgotten

God has not forgotten me even though my family situation has been overwhelming painful and I do not have any family now.

To see many happy families on this day and know the pain I have experienced and often continue to experience on days such as this is extremely painful. The one place I can often be at home is the church, however the church is often the worst place with a special message for mothers, of who I am not. I feel like an outsider all day. I do not have a family, my biological family exploited and abused me and often days like this were worse and I remember. the struggle is real, the cries from deep within my soul.

So maybe you know someone like me – maybe you can do something a bit more different this holiday or any holiday? Maybe you can be part of the solution to help someone like me not relive the pain so much but create new memories. Maybe you could incorporate someone without family into your family. Maybe you are in a place in your life to be in the role of spiritual mother/father/sister/brother to someone, how else are the lonely to be placed in families but by you. Things are different when you know you are loved and valued by someone with “skin on”, that there is someone who cares about you, loves you, someone you can call. You can make all the difference and in a real way help the pain of specific holidays fade into the background.

– Christine

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